so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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