its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
