I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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