If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
