maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
this is an emotional support booty call
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
