I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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