wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
