i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize