I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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