Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
