WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
