Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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