sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
