She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
