My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
