I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
