I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
