shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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