We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
