Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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