Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
