is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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