It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
