Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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