im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
