Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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