and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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