I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
