I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
one might say we're banned from that church
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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