like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
