Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
