her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Your penis caused this!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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