I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
