there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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