We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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