Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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