dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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