Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
