I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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