I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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