Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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