paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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