Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
