If i come over, it means nothing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
