thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
