google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
