the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
