i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
