Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
