He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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