we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
third nipple confirmed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
