im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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