stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
