he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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