He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
