He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
