4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
