it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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