Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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