So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
