...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
