I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just google imaged poop.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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