In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
