areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
