Well douche your snatch and let's go!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
