I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
