My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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