I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
