This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
