Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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