69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
