I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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